Question 1

Does it actually look like him?

Accepted Answer

That's the whole point. His face and his age stay recognisable — everything around him gets ridiculous. If people can't tell it's him, the joke doesn't land.

Question 2

What sort of photo works best?

Accepted Answer

One person, face clearly visible, looking towards the camera, decent light, no sunglasses. An ordinary photo from your phone is perfect.

Question 3

Do I have to choose the outfits and scenes?

Accepted Answer

No. You give us his first name and one photo. We handle all twelve months. That's the deal.

Question 4

Can I see it before I buy?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Upload one clear photo and we'll create his first transformation for you to see before you order.

Question 5

Is it rude?

Accepted Answer

It's playful, never crude. Think village charity calendar, not something you'd hide from your mum.

Question 6

Do I get to approve all twelve images?

Accepted Answer

Every image is reviewed by a person before anything goes to print, and anything that misses the mark is made again. If something still isn't right when it lands, tell us and we'll sort it.

Question 7

When will it arrive?

Accepted Answer

FREE UK delivery, 3–5 business days, dispatched from the UK. You'll see the full delivery details at checkout.

Question 8

What size is it, and what's in the box?

Accepted Answer

A premium full-size A3 portrait wall calendar (29.7 x 42 cm), Wire-O bound with a hook at the top, 14 printed pages. It's packed flat and protected, never rolled.

Question 9

What if it arrives damaged or wrong?

Accepted Answer

Email contact@thetopbloke.co.uk with your order number and a photo and we'll put it right — a replacement or a refund, whichever you're entitled to. If it never turns up at all, we won't need a photo.

Question 10

Can I get a refund if I change my mind?

Accepted Answer

Because your calendar is personalised using your photograph, the usual 14-day change-of-mind cancellation right for online goods does not apply. Your rights if the product is faulty, not as described or not delivered as required are unaffected. Email contact@thetopbloke.co.uk and see our Refund & Quality Policy.

Question 11

What happens to his photo?

Accepted Answer

It's used to make his calendar and nothing else. It's never used in our advertising unless you say yes, and you can ask us to delete it once your order is finished.

Everything you're wondering.

You know a proper Top Bloke.
Make it official.